fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
