I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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