Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
