I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
there's paper in my vomit.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
