i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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