so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
