The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
