so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
