i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
