Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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