I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
