just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
