You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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