I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
