i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I want her autograph on my taint
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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