So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
