Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
