yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
