So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
