Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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