I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
