I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The ass gains better be worth it
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