last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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