Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
