Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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