Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
