She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
