wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize