It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
