i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
either way he was missing a nipple.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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