How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
