Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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