I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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