Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
PANTIES FOUND
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
