The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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