Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
