she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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