Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
