So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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