And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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