Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
