a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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