I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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