either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
