I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
