Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
