I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
