How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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