dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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