he shaved USA in his pubs
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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