need another drink. this is the easiest way
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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