respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize