Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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