please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
