i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
