My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
