Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Im part way to drunk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
