He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
