I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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