if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
