Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
