I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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