Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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