if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
