I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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