Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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