I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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