how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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