I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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